Its been quite some time since I've started wearing hijab.
People who know me well will assume that I must have hit right on the head because my outfit for going to office and hanging out is not far from pencil skirt, short sleeves, tight shirt, transparent kind of fabric, or even backless clothes--everything that shows a little too much skin. 
I didn't bother either to think about wearing hijab or lengthen my clothes at the first place, even when people around me try to convince me that I look better with hijab on.
And I didn't know exactly how it begin until one day I just think that 'okay, why I don't just give it a try?'

At first I begin to wear hijab everytime I spend my weekend with some friends (thank God the girl next door wears hijab too so I could borrow her scarves plus had her put it on me) and when my office mate saw my pic wearing hijab on social media she brought her (unused) long skirts and hijabs suitable for office look and gave it to me. Since then I gradually buy (ton of) scarves and look for a way to dress up in hijab appropriately in instagram until I find which styles (and online stores selling hijab and stuffs? hihi) that suits my own style well.
And that's how I officially quit getting dressed like a horny teenager.




... Not that official actually because sometimes I still put my hijab off when I go to buy porridge near the house or when some people being preachy about 'the-importance-of-wearing-hijab-and-how-come-you-start-it-in-this-such-age' to me or when I go to swim.


Psst, just be quiet and don't tell anybody about this :p

For me, new word to begin 2016 is to DO something I've never done.
To visit some places I've never been.
To get something I've never had before.
To experience something new.
To meet somebody new.
To take out some insurance policies and another investment.
(def right choice for a big money spender like me)

I want my 2016 to be pretty something.
I think that there will be a time when I just can look back and realize that I've been living my whole life wonderfully. 
While I'm still young and free and having enough money to support that, why don't just give it a try? :p

Dear 34 year old me,
Hopefully in ten years,
you will have got ASAI or Actuary license,
you will have studied master program overseas,
you will have had a higher position in your company,
you will have got yourself a fancy home in this big city, 
And you wont have had to look at the price tag when you go shopping. 
At least those were all what you've always been obsessed with haha.


But darling,
Don't forget to slow down for a moment, take a deep breath, and look around.
Since I know you so well and you won't let anyone tell you what to do, you run as fast as you can, push yourself too hard until one day you realize you've missed something that never coming back: time.

Whether you act like you dont have problems in your life (and I know you do) dont forget to just loosen it up. You just have to let everything go. Dont stress out.  
Like your (uuh umm) trainer slash psychiatrist said, spit it out or it will be 'poison' that eat you slowly in the upcoming years. Haha I still dont get it but I believe you do.


Although I dont know whether you will have settled down or not (since I had no one to date with in this age, pity me), ten years from now, I believe that you will have had a good lifeand keep improving yourself, knowing that you will make sure you won't live in a miserable (but a bit meaningful) life ever again.




P.S.: Finally I still can make it to the biweekly BEC Challenge this week :D

I will start writing this post by looking back at my freshman year. after getting explanation from Society of Actuaries of Indonesia that my institution have privilege to convert certain subjects into a module instead of taking exam, I told my friend that I want to be actuary a nd they were like 'helloo.. earth to ziza!'
because they knew me well.
or they thought they knew me well.
The thought of me trying to get two degrees at the same time and seeing how hard for me to just keep in track plus dreaming to be actuary is simply impossible.

but sometimes we didn't know how God works.
Right now I get in one of the busiest division in my company;
Having a great, inspiring supervisor and supportive teamwork.
But suddenly that inferior feeling creeps in because they are extremely intelligent and capable of their job.

and here comes the regret.
If I had studied hard that time, I wouldnt have got BC for my time series analysis or stat-mathematics II.
If I had decided not to graduate in a hurry, I would have retaken the class and got better marks.
If I had had good marks for that subjects, I would have converted many modules for PAI exams.
If I had followed my dream that time, I wouldn't have felt so small like this.
If I had made plan for my future, I wouldn't have been so lost like this.


This whole situation makes me simply think that God give me a second chance. A second chance to pursue that dream or (perhaps) my other bigger dream.
haha we all know that dreaming is free right? but making it come true costs us hardwork.

.. is photograph by Ed Sheeran. The lyric speaks a lot about love in general without being too cheesy. The first time I heard this song, I thought it was all about both bad side and the good side of one’s relationship with his partner. But when I watched the music video on MTV, the way I see this song changed.

This song isn’t just about long distance relationship with your partner, but I see that it tells more about family, to me, especially with my mum.

 'Loving can hurt sometimes'

It can get hard and tiring to raise a child like me.
Back then it was like my body designed to get sick once a week so yeah, you can call me a burden to her.

But she never gave up on me until I become who I am right now.
She wont let me skip the class while I got sick (and puke on my own desk) because I got math test on the next class.
She pushed me to pass a giant stone during my cycling time. Even though I got fall from bike and cried and yelled about how cruel she was  to not to put away the stone from my way, she wouldn’t go mad.
She taught me to always have faith, even though life wasn’t easy at that time.
She taught me to be strong, to go to the extra miles without actually telling me what to do. She just showed me how to do it.
She taught me to be brave enough to take a chance that seems impossible to me; It seems hard at first, but she reminds me that God is always there and make everything easier.
And thats the way she express her true love that no one could ever give, not by a lot of cash for me to spend; or hug and kiss every morning before going to school, or saying I love you to each other. 


Now I’m miles away from her, and without spending most of our time changing a text or talking in the phone, somehow we’re still connected.

This song is somehow touching deep in my soul. But when it comes to other people, its possible that they will get another perspective about this song.

When you're falling in love, what is the most insane thing you've ever done?

Crying a river when he left you in the middle of nowhere because you guys argue a lot in the car?
Jump off the building when he broke your heart?

No, I never reach that point actually. But I have that kind of worse addiction everytime I get a crush on someone.
I waste all my time 24/7 just to talk to him or think about him.
Get excited because he made me feel special because of that おはよう every morning, お疲れちゃん thingy evertime he just finished work.


... I put all my life to someone who in the end didn't care about me.


I wish I wouldn't go that dumb and get my hopes so high and never keep trying to make he loves me back because I know I would go through the same thing.

And in some point I realize I still have so much things to do and my world wouldn't stop without him around me anyway.

I'm so much done with this.

Its been a while since my last post because everything is moving so fast lately and before I mention some excuses here just let me write some simple habits that change my life:

1. I have oatmeal for breakfast
I know it looks healthy but its actually economic (ha!). But this habit does bring certain advantages:
- its so simple that only takes few minutes to make: add oat + low fat milk on your bowl and put banana/strawberry for topping. Voila! ur breakfast is ready to serve.
- Its is indeed healthy. I feel lighter and my weight scale proves it (Yayness).
- sure its good for my digestion. I have sort of constipation after moving in Jakarta but since I eat oatmeal every morning there's no need to drink yogurt regularly.
- I wont be sleepy during 8-11 am after having oat, comparing to nasi kuning or another heavy breakfast I've ever had.

2. I write
Every time I feel utterly happy or sad or confuse even mad, I write.
I yell, I curse, I moan, I whine  hard.
Expressing all of my thoughts into some honest words that somehow isnt nice for certain person to read.
Seems like I write to loose it up. After writing sort paragraphs about my feeling that time, I feel relieved, like, I can make peace with that.
I dont know if there's a study saying that writing actually relieved stress but at least it is some kind of teraphy for me.

3. My bag = moving garbage can
I dont throw garbage anywhere like most people here did. However its a bit difficult for me to find a garbage can even in a public place. So I put the trash (kind of tissue, oil control paper, plastic bag, left over snack, even mineral water bottle) temporarily right in my bag. But the major problem here is I always forgot put it in trash can until my friend at times take a look what's inside my bag and tell me how gross I am. Thats how my life goes.

4. I love reading kokology
I spend most of my free time at office browsing about kokology quiz. First time I knew about it is when my elder sister majoring psychology brought some psychology books home (yes, I've ever read a book about collection of psychological counseling section in Kompas; about how a person having some mental disorder or sexual disorientation) but wait thats not the point. One day she brought kokology book by the famous Isamu Saito. But unfortunately someone borrowed that book and it never comin back before I finish reading it. Recently I use kokology to get to know people's personality by the way they answer my kokology quiz. Haha.
And yup, I used kokology to find out my future boyfie's personality (OMG I cant believe I just said 'future boyfie' *puke*). Its fun yet challenging to find out the way he solves some problem, the way he manages his money, the way he acts in a certain situation, or whether he already moved on from her ex or not.
Believe me, get ready for the worst answer.

5. I dont drink coffee
Not because I dont want to, but because I can't. Its pretty amazing to figure out what coffee can do to my body; from heartbeat fast until severe stomachache, from headache until fever. I dont even really drink typical beverage sold in minimart except bear brand, pocari sweat or yoghurt. I know I didnt do sport much lately but at least I control what I should eat or not.

Haha I know my simple habits are different from most people (especially point no 5) but all I can think about my own simple habits are these so.. see ya on the next weekly challenge :D