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Babbling Bubbles

By reading the title, I know you might expect a classic womanhood story juggling to balance between work and family, but it’s actually far from that. Aside from the cute cover—which A correctly guessed was the main reason I checked the book out in the first place despite the goodreads score 🙈. The Dilemmas of Working Women consists of 5 story revolving around four somewhat twisted woman and one devoted housewife.

The first story title Naked is about a woman who gets divorced and become unemployed at the same time as she had built her company from scratch with her former husband. Once a high achiever—she seemingly begins to enjoy her unemployment regardless of what people around her might think of.

The second story, Planarian, tells the story of a cancer survivor whom I would avoid being friend at all cost because she’s honestly a pain in the ass. She can’t stop talking about how she have dealt with cancer and bring it up every time she has to, even though she no longer had it. It is incredibly irritating to have someone like her around. But what’s amazed me is how the author notice that this particular person always exist between society.

The third story, Here, Which Is Nowhere, features the most normal protagonist in the book—a devoted house wife. She was caught up in an unfortunate situation where his husband is ‘restructured’ by the company (familiar much?) and in result forced by the less-than-ideal circumstances to work part time and take midnight shifts—where her ‘job’ was to make sure her husband, children, and her mom had been taken care of by the end of the day—to make ends meet and that’s where the problems starting to arise.

The fourth story, The Dilemmas of Working Women section, which shares the same title of the book, tells a story about the woman who ponders a little too long whether to marry her long time boyfriend. I had a hunch that this reflects something many woman in modern society in Japan face—leading them to hesitate to when it comes to marriage. But this might be an eye opener for those dealing with the same issues—that your boyfriend is considered a glaring red flag when up until now he was a freeloader—living off parents’ money and planning to do so after marriage—def not a husband material.

The last part, A Tomorrow Full of Love, is my favorite. It is written from a first person point of view, which is a divorced man who describe what he feels toward this homeless girl he simply can’t stop taking care of.

In the end, it was rather amusing to realise that this book is written around 2000s and yet depicts some issues that is still relatable to these days—corporate restructuring program, societal pressure to get married or to join the workforce, or simply to live up society’s expectations. My first impression  shifted slightly after reading the translator’s note at the last page, which emphasize that this overall story should be understood within the cultural context—specifically on how the Japanese society is constructed or how rigid the gender role there. Overall, the stories are somewhat showcase different realities that women could go through and in the end, they have to stay true to their own voices, no matter how unusual and heavy it might seems.

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Some people have asked whether I was conscious enough to self-sabotage my career life by suddenly pursuing graduate school—while according to some people there’s no single sign of my face appears that I have enough amount of intelligence to do so. Some framed it as an attempt to seek redemption of the overall industry flop. I won’t say that I didn’t agonize over whether to leave the job and switch to a totally different industry or to just stay at home doing nothing, either.

What I've come to realise is that lacking knowledge is a kind of failure too—honestly though, people simply can’t afford to stop growing. Not having enough knowledge is what dragged me to the lowest point of my life at 2020. I never once stop blaming myself, replaying every missed opportunity in my mind countless times—every moment where I chose comfort over growth. To actually hear the alarm that had always been deafeningly ringing this whole time, which I refused to pay attention even once. I stayed a little too long in a luke warm water called comfort zone pool—until the point I forgot that it is my responsibility to stay ‘nourished’. I had failed myself miserably for it.

It was so rich of me to call out people for being gullible, but my hot take here is that I have to be very skeptical—to know the actual truth behind anything that could put my life at risk—mentally, emotionally, professionally—and if I don’t, so the answer is absolute no, wake up, run!—if that makes sense. There is no such thing as too good to be true.

This post is just a reminder to myself: to stay alert, to keep growing, to always remain open to opportunities—even when they scare me.

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Just a quick update on what's happening in my life lately.

I officially graduated at the end of August. Though, sadly, mum couldn’t make it to the ceremony (will rant about that on another post). Still, I managed to take graduation photos with these ador(k)able people that I cherish the most.

Got ISPA twice when stayed at home. During those dark moments, I forced myself to think about the times when I was feeling at my best—secured my first job, that is. I retraced what I actually do to get me fully engaged: good habits I built, the mindset I had, or quotes that truly moved me. I used to read Ahmad Fuadi's books for inspiration, but frankly speaking, what's truly pushed me to go the extra miles was this random quote I found at Tumblr:

“Want something you’ve never had? Do something you’ve never done”

People who knows me from a far would see me as the one frantically trying to break through invisible doors upon me. I'm definitely not one of those brilliant friends who graduated summa cumlaude, nor the ones with negotiation skills so sharp their career skyrockets overnight 😛. But I keep knocking anyway, because who knows? Maybe one of those doors will open. Maybe God will actually let me in.

(as why I chose the phrase "breaking through a door", I felt like I couldn't get in easily if I didn't knock it hard enough)

This exact mindset is what made me hit the send button even though I had no idea whether there was an open position to apply. After countless, dreadful LinkedIn scrolls that led me to nowhere, I finally did the unthinkable move. That crazy idea suddenly crossed my mind, right after I submitted an application to another company (that I didn't get a chance to get interviewed to) that I got from my late boss.

Got an offering letter days after being officially graduated—at a workplace located exactly what I want, in an unpredictable way, at all. The way it happened felt surreal—it kept people around me wondering how on earth I landed the job, and yet, once again it proves that God always watching and taking a good care of me all along.

Had I not been an active student in the professional class in 2016 hosted by the company, and earned the highest grade, and caught my (current) boss' attention—who happened to be in the same class, 

Had I not been reached out to a friend last February—who has a mutual in this company—to look for an internship vacancy and got the HR’s email at that time...

I wouldn’t have secured this job.

The position I filled had been vacant for almost a year, despite several round of interviews.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Indeed another wish come true, God is (really) good.

However, apparently I've been looked down upon by the very people I expected the least. They (tried hard to sound as casual as they can) asked me, "Who got you in?" or "Did X refer you?"

To live in a country where even the top officials got his position thanks to his beloved papa and uncle, I get that nepotism is kind of a new normal. But man, those questions were humiliating.

For someone like me whose only purpose at work is self actualization and not climbing some power ladder, it stung. I have never mastered the art of sucking up nor do I play office politics. They knew I don’t belong to certain group of power nor being boss’ favorite—favorite enough to back me up. If I were someone’s favorite, I didn't have to bother giving up my last job and went through to some extend to graduate school. All this time I always stand on my own foot, with God’s grace. Or so I thought, they knew it better than anyone else. But hey, jelly much?! After all the favors I did for you guys, was that all I got in return?! 😒 Oh well, maybe it's time to cross a few names off the friend's list anyway.

I also got a lot of unsolicited advice where I could aim a better company. Like, what do you expect from me, designing rockets for NASA?! The funniest part is, this kind of remark came from someone whose company reported 600+ billion loss at the end of last year—he should take a better look at himself in the mirror 😂 dude is in a sinking ship but still minding someone else's business. How ironic.

In this kind of economy, being unemployed is not an option for me—I’ll take whatever opportunity comes my way. I am deeply grateful for anything God has given to me. I refuse to compare my life to anyone for comparison is truly is the thief of joy. Right now, I am finally getting a grip of myself, feeling at peace—and that’s what matters most. I don’t owe anyone any explanation. I let them keep wondering "who got me in", because the real insider behind all of this is, and has always been, the Almighty.

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**disclaimer: might contain spoilers and written subjectively by me.

It was hard to find this book at HB Jassin library, I have asked the librarian a few times and they couldn't find it either even though the web catalog stated otherwise. And not long after that my membership expired; that's why I decided to purchase it on my own. My toxic trait would be judging the book from its cover. It's pretty and pink; how can I say no? Since I want to make sure that every dime would be spent in a good use, I dig the good reads to make sure that the rating is pretty high (the law of large numbers applies) and the book, in some ways, shares the same interest with me.

To be honest I read it in 2024 and I didn't remember much about it.

The book is written from a first person point of view. It tells a story about Natsuko, her elder sister Makiko, and Makiko's daughter. The story is divided into two sections, hence, the titles. The first part, Breasts, is an exploration on how adolescents and women were forced to live up to a certain degree of unrealistic expectations by society; such as pinker nipples, firmer and fuller boobs, etc.

I was honestly more hooked with the last part of the book, Eggs, that's why I would write more about it.
The second part told a story about how Natsuko had reached a certain stage of life, in which money was not a problem anymore, and slowly but surely motherhood hit her hard. She decided to conceive and raise a kid on her own—a child whose own blood runs in it. It just depicts how some people deliberately decide to have kids when they reach a certain point of comfortable life, if you know what I mean. But for some reason she can't stand having sex, that's why she decided to get a baby through sperm donation. And then came a long story on how she considered the pros and cons.
How Natsuko thinks it through; whether she was selfish enough to have a child through anonymous sperm donation, considering the drawbacks she might face in the future if her child found out how she achieved her/him.

Funny thing is, I could see myself being one of the people around her that were against her mind-boggling idea. Considering what she went through during her childhood, if I were in her position, I would've been childless for the rest of my life. Nonetheless, she did the opposite. To think of it, there is no way back to un-having a child on your own. You can't simply bail out; you have to live with it for the rest of your life. The way the society works, it is obvious that the burden to have a kid was mostly given to the mother, not the father.

If anything, this book is a mix of self-discovery, (a lot of) emotion, friendship, sisterhood, and motherhood. It is written in a mind wandering, poetic way to the point that it is impossible for me to put down. However, it is a slow pace, less entertaining, full of emotion
—a kind of read that might not be for everyone.
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Saya sungguh tidak paham apakah ini warisan budaya kolektif (yang tentu negatif dan perlu dihindari) karena pola semacam ini lumrah saya temui di circle keluarga, bahkan di circle teman-teman dengan keluarga mereka masing-masing.

Bahwa sah-sah saja untuk pinjam uang ke saudara jauh, yang nantinya tentu saja syukur-syukur kalau dikembalikan.

Bahwa sah-sah saja untuk pinjam BPKB atau sertifikat berharga saudara untuk menjadi jaminan pinjaman.

Bahwa itu kewajiban saudara jauh untuk membantu hidup saudaranya yang lagi kesusahan.

This is so wrong in so many level.

Tentu saja pinjaman tsb. bukan atas nama si orang yang butuh duit. Risiko gagal bayar cicilan akan ditanggung oleh si pemilik aset/surat berharga. Sudahlah aset yang jadi jaminan hilang, uang pinjaman pun tidak ikut menikmati. Jika pinjaman tanpa agunan, tentunya si pemilik nama yang akan dikejar-kejar oleh debt collector sampai ke kantor; pada akhirnya reputasi yang dipertaruhkan. Istilah jawa, gupak pulut e tok. Baik boleh, bego jangan.

Pinjam uang satu, dua kali, tidak apa.

Namun, jika terus-terusan, yang bener aja?

Minta disupport biaya hidup bulanan, kamu siapa?

Waktu kami kesusahan, kalian ke mana?

Kalau bank saja menolak pengajuan pinjaman kamu, kenapa saya bisa menganggap kamu layak diberi pinjaman?

Yang tidak bisa mengelola uang tuh kamu, kenapa cashflow rumah tangga saya yang harus dikorbankan?

Dikira cari duit gampang; harus desek-desekan tiap hari di transum; kena pressure pekerjaan sampe hampir gila, trus duitnya buat nanggung biaya hidup kalian?

Kalau emang ga bisa afford sesuatu, berarti emang belum waktunya kamu untuk punya itu. Sesuatu itu bisa berarti rumah lah, gaya hidup lah, anak lah. Diem dulu deh.

Hidup kamu gak harus sama dengan mereka-mereka yang kamu lihat di layar ponsel kamu kok.

Compromise dengan isi dompetmu.

Sebagai konteks, orang-orang yang meminjam uang ini, bisa afford pakaian yang lebih mahal dari saya. Bisa afford face treatment yang harganya 3x lipat face treatment yang biasa saya gunakan. Bisa afford nonton konser. Memutuskan untuk punya jumlah anak lebih dari anjuran BKKBN.

Meanwhile, I don't have nor experience those things to this day.

Orang yang tidak mengenal saya akan berpikir, saya enteng ngetik kayak gini seolah-olah saya gak pernah di situasi yang gak punya uang.

Saya juga beberapa kali berada di posisi seperti itu. Oh uang tinggal sekian, berarti pas untuk makan di warteg sekian kali. Misal ga ada uang sama sekali, puasa dong. Saya tidak akan membuat situasi di mana saya menghadapi saldo Rp, 0,- ke depannya. Dalam situasi kepepet tidak punya uang, jika bersabar dan terus berusaha, akan rewarding nanti ke depannya. Pasti ada aja jalan keluar yang dikasih Tuhan.

Misalnya waktu kuliah dulu, saya tidak punya earning power at that time; cukup sering kejadian saya kehabisan uang untuk makan karena hanya bergantung pada transferan mama. Sisa uang yang ada, saya alokasikan untuk beli bensin untuk motor butut saya. Jaman dulu, belum ada m-banking ya, apalagi promo gofood. Saya akui saya tidak optimal dalam menjalani kuliah S1 dulu, karena saya sempat beberapa kali bolos untuk ikut proyek dosen dan alumni; bikin proposal PKM; ikut kelas kursus gratisan; apapun yang bisa bikin saya mendapatkan ilmu dan uang sendiri. Saya pernah pinjam uang sekali, dua kali ke teman saya, hanya untuk makan lalapan di daerah sekitar kampus. Pun itu kita makan bareng, di depan saya meminta tolong ditalangin dulu. Untuk makan; sesuatu yang esensial—cukup esensial menurut saya. Kalau untuk bantu cicil rumah? punten, bukannya itu kebangetan?

Saat kerja pun, saya ambil kos 2x2m yang selalu mereka tertawakan; padahal itu juga salah satu bentuk upaya saya untuk bisa menabung. Saya akui saya jadi public enemy di circle keluarga besar saya karena punya pemikiran seperti ini; dan saya tidak keberatan untuk itu.

For closure, here is the Quote that resonates with me the most, which I got from Mel Robbins, saying,

"Every time you bail someone who's terrible with money and you loan them the money, they continue to be terrible with money. They got to figure out how to do this themselves.

When you constantly rescuing people, you're teaching them that they're not capable of rescuing themselves."

Stay sane, folks.


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Indirectly related to this post, here's the night view I took from my boss's room

Honestly, I am not quite sure how to socialize on social media, there's no actual guidebook about it (I guess). When my friends posted photos of their kid's birthday or graduation, I can't help but drop a comment to congratulate them. I just don't like myself sitting around, watching their stories in silence—at the very least, I'll send a reaction.

Then I came across this thread by Shahnaz Soehartono:

yeah, I sort of get the feeling. This post is applied to the ones we knew in real life.

Back in college, I used to run a small accessories shop. I never asked my friends to follow my biz IG, but this one particular (close) friend whom I follow through—did not follow me back (ouch 💔). Fast forward to this day, she now has her own shop and I don't follow hers either (psst, I do really support other friend's businesses, just not hers. I mean, I am not her target market anyway, so I skipped her posts whenever they popped up).

Maybe, it's just natural—when you see your friend's story, you feel the urge to leave a comment.

Sometimes something nice, sometimes just asbun one.

I remember posting a joke about how we, the hijabi employees who happened working at SCBD, accidently wore the same jacket (different color though) because it could protect us from light pouring in a short time. A friend replied to the story saying, about how the employees working there love wearing lanyard anywhere to show off. Maybe, just like me, at that time, I figured she wants to connect with me, but in a way that I didn't expect, at all. I can't deny that her statement left me stunned. I mean, we bring lanyard with access card in it, because it is convenient to do so. It takes access card to enter or to exit the room, to the bathroom, to the lift, to the basement canteen, inside out of the building; basically anywhere. It has another function though: to tag us seat at the employee canteen while we were placing the order; it is sort of an unwritten rule that the seat with lanyard and tumblers on the desk meaning that it is already taken. And no one would take the seat nor the lanyard away.

Another time, I posted about stocking up roasted ubi cilembu at Grand Lucky. The same person reacted that the price is way unreasonable. She suggested me to buy at the mamang ubi cilembu pinggir jalan instead. First of all.. I can't find one near my neighborhood. Second, I have tried buying at mamang mobil box near Gasibu, and I don't like the texture. It was way too mushy, and I have to choose the right one very carefully or else I get the half baked instead. Price wise? only Rp 5000/kg cheaper than Grand Lucky. On the other hand, the Grand Lucky ones are perfectly baked, which is exactly why I prefer them.


Might look terrible but the Arla cream cheese on top of it is a chef's kiss

There was a time when I showed my vulnerable side during my study through insta story. It was not all rainbows and butterflies, I got my struggles too—different kind of struggle yet I didn't mind facing it—I deliberately chose this kind of suffer than being cramped in public transport for 4 hours in a day. But there was this person commented on how ungrateful and insensitive I am to post something like that. Okay maybe that was God slapping me in the face for being cry baby and all whiny. (Note to self: I should have write it here instead posting it on IG).

Oh, and there's this one—I took a mirror selfie, posted it, and not long after that I have heard from my sister that my cousin commented (behind my back, ofc) that instead of spending money on expensive crap like iPhone I should spend my money to a real estate instead. Uhmmm.. pretty sure my boyfriend (A) has taken up that role for me 😁.

❤❤❤

After dealing with these all unsolicited feedbacks—which often ends up putting my relationship to others at risk (at least in my mind), I decide to limit what I share on any social media. I used to be pretty expressive, mindlessly posting this and that. But now, I even limit myself to see friends' update on insta story. I’ve chosen to use Instagram mainly for entertainment, and honestly, seeing constant life updates from them friends weren’t all that entertaining. By far this was a good move that it did not turn me into a moral police 🙈. I won't lie though.. I do get a certain ick whenever I accidentally viewed my (close) friend's post on insta story or post of their super close up selfie—like pores in 4K-level-close. And I catch my self thinking "Aren't we past the age to post close up selfie anymore? even Gen-Z doesn't do that." And there goes my judgmental ass kicking in, and honestly I don't wanna that kind of negativity lingers inside my head 😖. A sense of guilt I could use a little.

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