Some people must be thinking about me being soo fussy when it comes to money.
Some people must be thinking about me pushing myself too hard to earn extra cash,
But I don't live by giving explanation to another people, right?

Mum used to work day and night to get me food and pay the college bill and all the living expenses.
I dont want to be a burden for her.
I know she would give me some cash if I said I need to buy something,
or even to join an english class in an expensive course,
or even to pursue a master degree, but, I don't want to.

I just don't want to see her putting down her ego and owing some money to some relatives,
or seeing her still awake at 2 am just because she had to finish a report
or seeing her busy in the kitchen to make syrup (which I know by selling those syrups wont get us significant income)
to earn extra money.


But my immature sister doesn't get it. She asked my mom to buy her a new laptop.
I mean, really? in her 29?

I know the last two years mum bought a blackberry for her, but on the other side I had to work so hard knocking someone's door from town to town
to ask people filling 14 sheet questionnaire about his new motorcycle or about his favorite tv shows on certain program,
and combine it with my scholarship so I can get a new smartphone with digital japanese dictionary in it for myself,
and I bought this and that and I can hang around with my friends, using my own money so I can survive here, but look at her.
I hold my tongue not to blow everything's up, but (if I can say--finally) my switch was flipped and in the end she removed me from her bbm friendlist (yea, clearly found out who act way childish here).

Recently I heard my sisters had an issue about a gold necklace: one said that necklace worn by the other one is her and so on.
They didn't really look closely at me, for sure. Mum never gave me any jewelry since I was kid, or even earrings that most people here wear it.
And I never ask her to buy me one, even though I know mum had enough cash on her hand that time.

All I can believe in right now is, one day Allah will give me jewelry in Jannah.
Aamiin.





P.S: This sentimental mood comes because this evening I attended a demography seminar and they said that life expectancy here in Indonesia is 56 year old.
My parents reach 57 this year.


... I have few times left.



Z,
23,57,
in the middle of entrying data (again, to earn extra money)