Have you ever watch Korean Drama This Is My First Life? On the last episode, the female lead mentioned about a book titled To Room 19, telling about a wife that secretly rent a room away from her husband and her kids so that she could have some space on her own.

Related to that story, I kinda have that exact room away from my husband to do things on my own, to be completely me, to keep my sanity. A place where I could rest; where I could focus on something I currently pursue; where I could get closer to life I have been living while I'm at my best. A place where a friend whom I consider as a big sister lives.

Somehow, maybe it's time for me to give up the Room 16 that I hold on dearly for so long; meaning that I am so ready for whatever life throws at me.

Just like the name of this cafe, perhaps this decision is a turning point for me 😅

Few years ago I met this guy.
One of my type actually since he's 'bad boy' on one side but having a damn smart brain on the other side. Plus he's a well mannered one.
Perfection in one package.

Someone that I cant resist.


But it all changed in one night.
He took me to take a walk under starry skies and we got a very nice conversation until he asked one thing, 'hey, by any chance, do you wanna get involve in any special relationship?'
I giggled and said no and whispered inside 'if its with you, why not?' and asked why.
Why he kept asking that random question to me these days.
And we've been close to each other only in less than two weeks. I dont wanna be in a hurry, in having new boyfriend without completely knew him inside out.


... After that he stopped texting me. He never said hi to me even he kept ignoring to make eye contact everytime we meet. I still didnt get it why he did that to me because last night everything seemed to be okay.

At least for me.


Then I figured out that it really wasn't okay for him. My friend told me that night convo is the way he confessed his feeling to me.
I mean, he should pick better lines instead, like,
'I love you, would you be my gf?'
Or
'Hey I like you, I want to be your date.'
Or something.

How come he expected me to say yes in the first place if he asked in such ambiguous way? Say it directly without any implication because Im not that type of person who easily understands something like that.

And then few months later he dated my junior. Turns out until this very day they're already engaged.


:(



P.S.: The reason behind I write this post is because he appeared on my social media and suddenly memories about him sucked up on my head again. It costs me fortune if he can find out what I really felt about him that day.

For me, the saddest thing in life is to sell anything that really means to you in order to survive.

At first I dont get it when there's some people selling all their households (even their cctv) so they're able to eat the next day. It was known that they live in their parent's house (theyre already passed away) and instead of working really hard, they ended up selling their household one by one so they can feed their children. What I concern is, how come they let go of something that have memento? Whatever it is, it witnessed every single time you spent with ur mom and dad.

But in this point, I know how it feels like when you have the urge to sell your precious thing.

I have a dream that someday I move into my own house and make a library corner because I had boxes full of comics and novels and magazines and one day I arrange them neatly in a varnished wooden shelf. But the thing is I almost cant pay my grad fee bcause mom just give me 3/4 part of it. How come I get the other 1/4? And how come I can feed myself too here?

Suddenly that crazy idea comes up:  Should I sell my rurouni kenshin comics? I know it wont take a long time to get someone to buy it.

Wow this thought describes best how I desperately deal with this condition. Because that books are worth dad's 6years presence.

I will remember about this night,
This very night,
That I had oatmeal for dinner
And starve my self tomorrow
To save my very last dime

Because I dont know what I will go through tomorrow.

I will remember about few days ago,
That I've only got a train ticket,
But I've got no money left (because the ticket price is freakishly expensive nowadays) right after I arrived here.
So oatmeal n instant noodle to the rescue!

And I think thats why God ask His people to do fasting. Not only do the rich have to feel what the poor feel, but also the poor have a reason to not eating even they starve and get 'pahala' instead.

... Because 'poverty done in a right way will be maturing the soul' they said.