I don't know where to start but.. I got a huge unexpected plot twist at the first day of 2023.

My workplace was once relocated to the office located relatively near to my house in the beginning of the year (big YAY), where I fully anticipated and expected—and one of the reason why I let go of Room 16.

But, BUT, one thing or another got in the way, or simply the universe wants to test me to another level, suddenly I was moved into Sudirman office.

I can't help but remember A once wondering why I don't go to work to SCBD area, since according to him, seemed sophisticated and sort of cool which made me swear "there's no way in hell I got to work there!"

And there I was, pulling all night to get the work done until 03 A.M in one of that tall building. Oh the irony 😌

To be honest, I love working here regardless the lift queue and the price of the meal—it was only few steps away to Grand Lucky, and plenty options of public transport—forcing me to walk more than 5km everyday and I believe it sort of helped to improve my physical strength  ...

... but apparently not my mental strength 😅

I literally bleed for two months, got bruises everywhere on both my legs, gulped milk coffee every single day to stay awake and stay sane (I already worried about my daily sugar intake even though I ordered less sugar), felt extremely exhausted, got panic attack every time my phone chimes, silently burst out tears on the back seat of the taxi, etc.

I got no time—to wash my hair, to rest—for my self and A; let alone time to clean the house. Coming home past 9 P.M only to find that my house is a literal mess yet got no strength left to fix it. And then there's weekend, two precious days where I got the power only to do the mandatory chores—not enough to clean up the mess, and even sometimes got distracted by work calls and midnight zoom meeting. Endless loophole for months. Oh, and I forgot to mention that whenever I came home late means that A would stay awake until I reach home. I felt terrible for him. Those were sort of thing that kept me from being "You've got this Zi" to "you should consider to stop". 

I usually was not a person who easily give up, even HR once said that I was placed (along with one friend) to certain division because among all of new joiners, only both of us were mentally tough enough based on our psychology test result.

Some people just questioned my decision but it was not my job to explain to them. Not gonna lie though, that thought sometimes got into me either. As a matter of fact, I'm torn between 

Fast forward, the last two were the winner. Actually, this was not me giving up, this was me taking a short break to something bigger that is about to come next.

Another highlight.

I had rented a room around Cipete Raya for a solid month, lined up for Kopi Tuku every morning, commuted to office with MRT—experiencing life as Jakselian (is that even a word though), and still did not change the fact that it would have made anything better.  None of my workmates know any of this 😝. Yet no matter how close it is from the office, home is my ultimate comfort zone and the cure itself.

Another highlight.

I had the best time in my life this February—meeting and getting to know new, cool people with various backgrounds whom about to be sent all over the world. and being so honored to be in 30 minute lecture with a person I adored since a long time ago that brought me in a situation where I desperately try to get into UI so that I could join her public lecture one day. Never once in my life that it was happening in this February 💕.

Another highlight.

At first I thought it was a terrible idea to catch up with friends here

I managed to meet up with old friends, and joined the crowds at Semasa_di Lapangan Banteng. Finally got an empty picnic mat, got seated and talked for hours. 

A did not want to miss the picnic vibe during long weekend, so the next day we went to Urban Forest Cipete, soaked up the sun, went home stuffed with a happy heart.

I realized I barely write anything here since 2022. Apparently I found alternatives to clear my mind other than writing—and one of it is walking. >9000 steps during commuting explains a lot why I take the courage to redirect my life at my 30s. A long hours to contemplate and to argue with myself, all happened inside my head.

I swear I'm gonna come up with more of regular posts, but part of me did not want to be all whiny 😂. According to what happen lately in the twitter world, some posts that I think is harmless, some people might think it is harmful and that exactly what's holding me for writing in the internet world 😖 Like, anything could be triggering for some people, as simple as indomie for lunch after swimming session 😭 Come on people, spend your energy to something else, like writing online journal (regularly) to keep most of your life 😝